Doctor jokes
Dentist leans over to begin work on a woman, she grabs his balls. Dentist: Miss,u hve my privates. Woman: Yes. We are going to be careful not to hurt each other
Patient: Doctor, I have a sharp pain in my eye whenever I drink tea. Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink your tea next time.
Patient: I think I hve been bitten by a vampire. Doctor: Drink this water. Patient: Will it make me better? Doctor: No, I will be able to see if your neck leaks
Patient: Doctor! You've got to help me! Nobody ever listens to me. No one ever pays any attention to what I have to say. Doctor: Next please!
Dr: What was the 1st thing Ur husband said to U when he woke that morning? A: He said, Where am I, Cathy? Dr: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan
Harry: Doctor, Doctor my son has swallowed my pen, what should I do? Dr: Use a pencil in the mean time till I get it back
Doctor, cut off my dogs tail. VET: Why do U want to do that? Because my mother-in-law is visiting us & I dont want anything to make her think shes welcomed
Women jokes
Things Only Women Understand: Need for the same style of shoes in different colors, Fat clothes, Driving without trying to beat your best time, OTHER WOMEN
Woman1: Our area is too dusty; my child is covered in it when he comes after play. Woman2: Thats true! Yesterday I washed 20 faces to find my own child!
Marriage jokes
A bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, I have found a man just like father! Her mother replied, So what do you want from me, sympathy?
Wife removes husbands glasses.Honey, Without ur glasses u look like the same handsome man I married. Honey,he replied, Without them,u still look pretty good too
Guy: Guess what? I found a great job. A 10AM start, 2PM finish, no weekends & it pays 600Dollars a week! Wife: Thats great. Guy: I thought so too,u start Monday
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Jane telling her friend: It was I who made my husband a millionaire. And what was he b4 you married him? Asked the friend. Jane: A multi-millionaire
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend and kills him. Wife says: If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends...
David and his wife buy coffee in a shop. David says... Drink quickly...... Wife asks why... David says hot coffee Shs.5,000 and cold coffee Shs.10,000
Harry: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about you? Beatrice: Me too, I kiss MY MAN after you leave.
Kasode sent a SMS to his pregnant wife. Two seconds later a report came to his phone and he started dancing. The report said, DELIVERED.
Lady of the House: If the master brings home some friends for dinner, will you be prepared? Cook: Yes madam - my bag is already packed.
When a man was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted mirror. Man shouted, "You are trying to see my wife? Sit back. I will drive.
Modern Definition of WIFE: someone who will stand by you through all the troubles, which you would not have had if you had stayed single....!
Mike got frustrated of jokes made on him, so he goes to his wife and says: Tell me a joke in which I am not involved. She smiles and says …I am pregnant!
A Food & Health Forum speaker asked: What food causes the most suffering for years, after U eat it? After a long silence, an old man answered: Wedding cake
Telling a lie is a fault for a little boy, an art for a lover, an accomplishment for a bachelor and a Matter of Survival for a married man. Good Luck!
Religious jokes
Question: What did God say after creating Adam? Interesting to think what the answer must be. Answer: I must be able to do better than this!
When yo life is in darknes, Pray to God asking to be freed from the darkness & if U find yoself in darkness after the prayer, Plz Pay Yo Electricity Bill
Animal jokes
Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other, Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease? The other one says, No, It doesnt worry me at all, I am a horse!
Two snakes meet each other.. First snake: I hope I am not poisonous. Second snake: Why? First snake: Because I bit my lip!
Doctor, I cant stop behaving like a dog. How long have you been acting this way? Since I was a puppy!
Baby fish asks her mother, why cant we live on earth? Mother fish: My dear baby Earth is not the place for FISH; its made only for SEL-FISH beings